Some of you that have had the chance to talk with me over the last 4 days have heard me fretting over the fact that every time I would touch my babies hair I would end up with a handful of it hanging from my fingers. I have worried about her loosing her hair from day one of finding out that she would be undergoing chemotherapy. I decided that whenever I think of a cancer patients I think of their bald head. Loosing your hair solidifies that you are sick. She has seemed so okay lately and I wasn't ready for her to look sick yet. Well ,four days ago I was doing some work on my computer and my daughter was sitting on the floor next to me playing when I realized that her hand was full of hair. At first I thought "ouch that had to hurt, why isn't she crying" then I started running my fingers through her hair and realized that she hadn't pulled it out, it had just come out on its own. It made me sick to my stomach to watch her pull hair out every time she touched her hair. My husband and I had talked about her loosing her hair and I decided that I was going to let her keep it as long as it still looked okay and he decided that we would shave it before it started looking gross. So we agreed that she could hang on to it for a little while. The next day when she woke up she had hair everywhere including a chunk in her crib. Throughout the day it became easier and easier to see the hair all over her and all over everything she played with. That night I kept having bad dreams about me loosing all of my hair and her loosing all of her hair and I just didn't sleep well. In fact in the middle of the night (I don't think that I was completely awake) I began praying that when we woke up she would have a large bald spot on her head and I would really have no choice but to shave it. The next morning I woke up to her choking on her own hair. Her hair was everywhere. She was in our bed and that meant that the hair was all over me and my husband, our baby and her big brother. Her dad got the vacuum out and we all got vacuumed. Her hair much to my disappointment didn't have a large bald spot, but was falling out very quickly. I still wasn't completely convinced that I was ready to shave it yet though. All day long I found big clumps of hair on the floor, in her crib, on her toys and even in her food and mouth (yuck). At about 3:00pm I called my husband and told him it was time to shave her head. I can't even imagine having an older child or an adult loosing their hair, it is amazing to she how much hair she actually had on our head. I got a little bit of hair on the top/back of her head and put it in an elastic and was going to cut it so that we could save some of her hair to see how her hair changed after chemo. When I was finishing wrapping the elastic around her hair she leaned forward and the whole clump just came out. By the time her dad came home from work her hair had started looking like an old balding man. I was so worried about actually shaving it off, but when it came down to it, I think it was harder to watch it fall out than it was to shave it. Everyone wanted to be a part of her head shaving, so my husband and I took turns shaving it and the kids watched and giggled. She looks darling even when she is bald. Once she was done we gave her a sponge bath and got her dolled up for her first bald baby photo shoot. It was late and we decided it was time for the other kids to go to bed while I vacuumed the carpet to clean up all of the hair she lost during the day. My three year old came running down the stairs and he said "Mom I want my hair cut like sisters" I said you do? Go and tell you dad, so he did, he said "Dad I want my hair all gone like sisters". We didn't shave it that night, but he still wanted it in the morning so we decided that we would shave his too. What a special show of support from our little three year old! Our other kids all think it is quite funny to run up to her and rub her bald head and then run off again. I have to agree it is fun to touch and kiss! I think that I am a lot stronger with all of these things than I give myself credit for.
15 comments:
I can't imagine having to shave her head - you are very strong. I'm sure she looks adorable - the photo shoot afterwards was a great idea! That's so cute that your little boy wanted his head shaved too - sounds like he's a pretty great big brother! Kids are such great examples to all of us. We're keeping you guys in our prayers!
I was looking out my window at the weather for tonight and I saw a little bald head walk by your back door. I ran over to my computer to see if there was an update on your blogg. What a strong show of support your entire family has been. I love that you have more than one bald kid! As you already know, we are here if you need us and we will continue to pray for your family.
As grandparents, there is absolutely nothing in this world more precious than our darling grandchildren, and your pictures whicvh you've shared are so tender. Thanks for sharing your feelings and keeping us updated. And since we are away from home at this time, we want to thank everyone for supporting this wonderful family, our children and grandchildren, and for stepping in to fill our shoes. You are all an answer to our prayers. Grandma and Grandpa R.
She looks absolutly precious! Hope that little head stays nice and warm. Your mama's going to have to take up knitting! We love you guys.
How touching that big brother wanted to shave his head too. That brought tears to my eyes! She looks beautiful no matter what, and really, it's easier to lose it this young than when they are older. My little sister had never cut her hair by age 6 when she had her tumor, her hair was down to her bottom. They cut it chin length at first to get her used to less. It was a hard loss for her.
You are very strong, it's amazing that we are given that strength in the very moment when we need it most.
Thank you for being so good at updating this blog. I'm sure it's difficult to put down your feelings and relive all you go through, but it's so nice to know how she is doing, and how all of you are doing. You have such a special family.
I love that picture! She needs to be the poster baby for cancer patients. She is darling!
First of all, she is darling!! And secondly, what a mess!!! I can only imagine getting to the point where it is easier to just have it all out at once! Third, I remember very vividly a commercial of an adult woman, bald from cancer, talking about everything that is beautiful...life, a child's smile, rainbows, etc, and at the end, she paused and said, "Oh yeah, and bald is beautiful." There's something special about seeing a bald little head that makes you love them even more than you ever have before. Crazy, but...beautiful.
Hey Mike and Sarah-
There's not much left that hasn't already been said. But we also send our love and support. I'm glad to hear the added strength and unity coming to your family at this important time. I know we all need this, as well as to appreciate each day and the blessings we are given. Take care and stay strong. Love, Cami (Graves) Thomas and Family
I've been wanting to let you know how sad I was when I found out about your baby- my heart just sank! I've been keeping track of your blog (but not as consistently as I'd like to). Please know if there is ANYTHING we can help you with we're here for you! I don't want to invade your private space or be a nuisance, but we'll continue to have you in our thoughts and prayers. You are awesome!!! Hang in there.
Sharla Nethercott
Wow Mike & Sarah, thank you so much for sharing such tender moments with us. I'm sure each person who has read this has that great lump in their throat and tears streaming down their cheeks as I do. You guys are amazingly strong, and I just pray always that little Alyssa can say strong and as healthy as she needs to to sustain her through these poison chemo treatments. Your pictures you have shared are so tender and sweet--each one of them. I wish so much that I had kept any type of record of Kambree's ordeals, because I have forgotten so much. You are so wise to jot your thoughts down like you have. I hope that you can keep it up regularly for your own peace of mind. You are amazing. Thanks again for sharing so much with us. Your strength really is incredible. I wish you the best of luck with this next treatment. I know one grandma down here who is very, very excited to come up there and play grandma with your sweet, beautiful children. Love, mary
Oh man that is the part I would dread myself. Especially because that is my profession (hair). I am sorry you had to go through that! But she is so stinken cute! I love her hat. And her darling little face.
I am grateful to see her smile through all of this. She , You, all are so amazing! Hang in there!
What a brave little gal! We admire your faith and strength... you are a wonderful family and huge examples for us to follow. Our thoughts and prayers are with you.
Thanks so much for sharing your feelings and keeping this journal. Alyssa will really appreciate it someday. She has really big beautiful eyes, she must get that from you Sara.
When my mom and mother in law both lost their hair thanks to chemo, I told them I was going to shave mine to show support. They both wouldn't let me. The great thing is that the hair grows back and bald IS beautiful! She looks darling in the hat! And you have a very sweet son. You are in our prayers. Mike and Angie Kelly
I heard about little Alyssa a few weeks ago and today was told about your blog. We miss having you in our ward and we will keep you in our thoughts and prayers. What beautiful little girl you have (bald and everything). I see so much of Caleb in her. Hang in there. I can't even begin to imagine what all of this feels like to you and your family.
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