Sunday, November 9, 2008

We Get To Come Home



So we finally get to come home. She did fairly well considering all that happens at the hospital. Her hematicrit had been dropping since starting the chemo on Thursday (and will continue to drop for a couple of weeks), so they gave her a blood transfusion again before going home. That way we won't have to turn right around and come back up when her hematicrit gets too low. She only threw up 4 times this go around. That was quite the improvement over last times every 15 minutes for three hours straight. She seemed to be in a better mood this time as well. She obviously wasn't her normal self, but she only threw a few hitting, pinching, and biting fits this time. She also was able to have a little bit of fun in between her chemo treatments. She found that she really enjoys playing in her crib and throwing her toys out over the top of the railing. Normally this would not be a very fun game for Mom and Dad, but in this situation anything that entertains her and makes her happy is worth it! A neighbor in our ward brought us some little slippers for our baby. What a great idea. We were able to let her walk around with us holding her hands throughout the ICS unit. She loved being able to walk on the ground. She was groggy from some of the medication she was on, but as long as we held her hands she did great. I am sure every time we come we will discover new ways to make life at the hospital a little easier. Yesterday my husband brought our three other children up to the hospital. We gave them a tour of our daughters room, the ICS until, the fourth floor of the hospital (where we go for monitoring and some testing in between chemo treatments) and we even found the outpatient surgery floor where our son was earlier this year during a lymph node removal (which thankfully came back negative for cancer). Then we headed down to the cafeteria where they each picked out their lunch and we brought it back up to sisters room and ate lunch and watched a movie with her. The kids enjoyed coming to visit their baby and getting to see what sister does here at the hospital. I think they weren't as impressed as they thought they would be, but they did enjoy lunch and a movie together! I was able to sleep at home last night while dad stayed at the hospital. There is nothing like your own bed! I told my other kids that they had to come into my bed first thing in the morning to snuggle with me, they were so excited (I am always telling them to go back to their own beds when they come into our room). I was in heaven snuggling with my kids in my own home. My Mother-In-Laws sister came to stay in our home with our big kids while we were in the hospital. I just keep thinking how wonderful her sisters all are (they remind me of my sisters) They are willing to jump in to fill in where she can't (she is out of the country for the next 14 months). My mother in law is very lucky to have such a wonderful relationship with her sisters. Like I said before, they remind me a lot of my sisters and I feel so blessed to have the ones that I have. I came back to the hospital after helping get my kids ready for church. I made it back just in time to attend the LDS meeting that they hold here in the hospital every Sunday. They only do a Sacrament meeting, which consists of; an opening song, prayer, song, Sacrament, one talk and a closing prayer. I came in about 5 min. late, and sat down and immediately I started to look around. I saw several little kids with their parents, some attached to monitors, some with tubes coming from their noses, others with pic lines or central lines, and I couldn't help myself. . . the tears just came. I tried to fight back the tears, but I couldn't. I wasn't crying about my baby in particular, but about all of these little sick children here in the hospital. I had a hard time trying to make sense of all of it. Why does our Father in Heaven allow little children to get so sick, and sometimes allows them to pass on way before they have had the opportunity to experience life. Now let me say, that I know that our Father in Heaven has a plan for all of us, and no two people have the same path in this life. I know that we all have to go through trials and struggles of all kinds while we are here on this earth. I also know that the only way to truly learn something is through experiencing it ourselves. We must be perfected in order to live Eternally with our Father in Heaven and without opposition we wouldn't be able to grow and become more like Him. That doesn't mean that we will all have the exact same struggles, there is more than one experience we can go through and still learn the same lesson. With that said, then I might ask again, why does our Father in Heaven allow bad things to happen to little children? I know that I have just answered this question, but I still am conflicted about it. I do know that there is a reason and I don't doubt anything that my Heavenly Father does, but I don't always understand it, which is why I must find out for myself through scripture study, fasting and ultimately getting down on my knees and praying for comfort and peace concerning this. What I can say is that I have felt that our family including our baby agreed to go through this trial before we came to earth (to what extent, I don't know) but, I know that we are being refined because of this experience. I know that I will at one point in my life be able to look back and say, "I understand. Look at what we learned from that experience. Look how our family grew because of that struggle." I don't know when that day will come, I don't know if it will be in this life, but I know I will be a better more humble person because of this experience.

15 comments:

mich said...

Okay now I am tears.... Like you said , this is so hard to grasp. I think people ask that question all of the time. I do think you are right, the lord knows what we can handle, and why we are going through the things we do. Someday you will be able to ask him yourslef. I am grateful for the comfort you had this time, the ease of things. I was thinking of you the other day, remember in Lake Powell how we would jump off the ginormous cliffs. (CRAZY)! It is kinda the same with our trials. If we get over the angry,sad, mad part and just jump in and rely on the lord, trust in him. Even though hard he will help us and give us comfort. So I am glad that you have been so brave and JUMPED in and our trying to make light of your situation. Remember the prayers are still coming your way!

Amy Marble said...

Great perspective Sarah! I'm glad that things went better this time around. That is so great that you have such a strong family that is able to help you out right now. What would we do without our families! Thank heavens they are eternal! Thanks again for sharing all of this - you really are a great example!

Doug and Carol Ann said...

Thanks for these beautiful comments and such tender feelings which you so generously share. We are all growing from this experience already. Others are learning from your experiences, and you will be a great help to others now and in the future. Your armor is being polished. My sister said, as she was tending your kids that your little three year old kept asking her how she made her voice sound like "Grandma's"? Glad he hasn't forgotten me!!! We are most greatful for our families (on both your sides)and all the friends who are so kind at this time. We love you. Gr and Gr

Tara said...

You are inspiring. I love hearing your words. You start to appreciate a little snuggle in the bedroom, and that we have our children to love right now. I am so glad things went better for you. We are praying for you. We hope you are feeling that. I kind of like the idea of church like they do it at the hospital. Lets get that implemented here. 5 min. Cool. Kidding. We love you so much.

Lori said...

Sound like this second round was a bit better then the first.!!! We are glad that you are home and that all went well. My thought have been with you, yes all the way from Hawaii, laying on the beach I had time to think about you and send up a little prayer that all would go well... Love ya, and love your thoughts that you are sharing with us on your blog! Oh and thanks for adding some pictures, makes it sooooo cute!!!!

Sharla said...

Thank you for helping me keep things in perspective! I'm upset because all you wonderful people were jerked away from our ward. I have so much to be thankful for so I appreciate your words! I'm so sad we won't see your cute family at church, but I'll definitely keep following your blog. You can't get rid of me that easily! ;) I'm glad she did better with her treatments this time! Let us know if there's anything we can do for you!

miss patti said...

I just heard about Alyssa today and couldn't believe it! My heart is broken for you and your family. I've spent the last 45 minutes reading every post on here so that I can understand a little of what you are going through. I so wish there was something that I could do for you. I'm completely amazed at your deep spiritual insight already in this process. Many years ago I battle cancer myself. It changes your outlook on life. For me, it gave me an opportumity to become a better and stronger person, to truly rely on and know my Savior. I think it is doing the same for you. I sure wish there was an easier way to learn some of lives hard lessons. My thoughts and prayers will be with you and your precious family everyday, every minute! And to my sweet little friend Brookie, I still love you cutie!!!

slpurser01 said...

You hang in there... we're so glad the slippers came in handy. You have such a beautiful family. My oldest son was born with a severe bi-lateral cleft lip and pallet and I know it's NOTHING at all like what you're going through... but I understand the thinking of trying to make sense of 17 surgeries... This is what I learned. Heavenly Father doesn't cause thing to happen to our children, but because we chose to come to this imperfect earth, He allows the imperfections so that we may learn and grow. I'm so sorry you have to go through this. You're in our prayers and thoughts everyday. You're strength is amazing! Love, The Pursers

Janae B said...

Oh how we are learning so much from you. I am sure as you sat in church you could see others trials. It has been said that if we could put them in a hat and draw out someone else's we would put it back in and take our own. We do know that our Faith and Prayers carry us all through these times. I am sure we will all see the miracles and blessings from all this. We don't always see them at the time of our trials, but some day we will take a look back and count them and recognize what it was He is trying to teach us and what He has done for us, and we will count them one by one. May God continually wrap his loving arms around you all.

Emily said...

I'm glad to hear it went a little smoother this time. The little movie and dinner is an experience the other kids will remember forever I'm sure.

Thanks for your faith and perspective. You really amaze me.

Love,
Emily

bestemor and the president said...

Thanks for your beautiful words and testimony. You're an example and uplift to all of us.

Heidi said...

I have to admit, it is nice to hear that other people feel the same way about this whole cancer mess...although, it does get better. You eventually fall into a routine and it is just becomes how your life is. We struggled in the beginning a lot with the reasoning behind why our child got cancer also--now, we have come to the realization that we needed this experience. We have learned so much and have grown closer together as a family, even Jake has grown because of it and it has allowed some wonderful teaching moments that we would not have had with him before. As horrible and as hard as it is, we have been blessed and are so grateful for the experiences we have had. I promise that it does get better and you do get used to it. If you would ever like to talk or get together... we would love to meet you and your sweet baby!
Heidi and Jeff

Andy and Jodi said...

Sara I talked to Mike at gymnastics the other day and he informed me of your situation. I am so sorry to hear of your daughter. It is not easy to have a child go through such hard times. I have some ideas to help you with your stays at the hospitals if you're interested. Please call, I would love to talk to you. Our prayers are with you.
Jodi
368-9370

Andy and Jodi said...

adawimmer.blogspot.com
This is our daughters blog if you are interested.
Jodi

Robinsons said...

I think you and Mike are being so strong going through all this. You are being an example to many that you may not even realize. I think that while it might not be very comforting - other people you wouldn't guess - are learning from this trial that you are going through and learning from the way you are handling it. Hang in there and remember that God is the one who makes you equal to the task (or trial.) Alyssa and your family are always in our prayers.