Some of you that have had the chance to talk with me over the last 4 days have heard me fretting over the fact that every time I would touch my babies hair I would end up with a handful of it hanging from my fingers. I have worried about her loosing her hair from day one of finding out that she would be undergoing chemotherapy. I decided that whenever I think of a cancer patients I think of their bald head. Loosing your hair solidifies that you are sick. She has seemed so okay lately and I wasn't ready for her to look sick yet. Well ,four days ago I was doing some work on my computer and my daughter was sitting on the floor next to me playing when I realized that her hand was full of hair. At first I thought "ouch that had to hurt, why isn't she crying" then I started running my fingers through her hair and realized that she hadn't pulled it out, it had just come out on its own. It made me sick to my stomach to watch her pull hair out every time she touched her hair. My husband and I had talked about her loosing her hair and I decided that I was going to let her keep it as long as it still looked okay and he decided that we would shave it before it started looking gross. So we agreed that she could hang on to it for a little while. The next day when she woke up she had hair everywhere including a chunk in her crib. Throughout the day it became easier and easier to see the hair all over her and all over everything she played with. That night I kept having bad dreams about me loosing all of my hair and her loosing all of her hair and I just didn't sleep well. In fact in the middle of the night (I don't think that I was completely awake) I began praying that when we woke up she would have a large bald spot on her head and I would really have no choice but to shave it. The next morning I woke up to her choking on her own hair. Her hair was everywhere. She was in our bed and that meant that the hair was all over me and my husband, our baby and her big brother. Her dad got the vacuum out and we all got vacuumed. Her hair much to my disappointment didn't have a large bald spot, but was falling out very quickly. I still wasn't completely convinced that I was ready to shave it yet though. All day long I found big clumps of hair on the floor, in her crib, on her toys and even in her food and mouth (yuck). At about 3:00pm I called my husband and told him it was time to shave her head. I can't even imagine having an older child or an adult loosing their hair, it is amazing to she how much hair she actually had on our head. I got a little bit of hair on the top/back of her head and put it in an elastic and was going to cut it so that we could save some of her hair to see how her hair changed after chemo. When I was finishing wrapping the elastic around her hair she leaned forward and the whole clump just came out. By the time her dad came home from work her hair had started looking like an old balding man. I was so worried about actually shaving it off, but when it came down to it, I think it was harder to watch it fall out than it was to shave it. Everyone wanted to be a part of her head shaving, so my husband and I took turns shaving it and the kids watched and giggled. She looks darling even when she is bald. Once she was done we gave her a sponge bath and got her dolled up for her first bald baby photo shoot. It was late and we decided it was time for the other kids to go to bed while I vacuumed the carpet to clean up all of the hair she lost during the day. My three year old came running down the stairs and he said "Mom I want my hair cut like sisters" I said you do? Go and tell you dad, so he did, he said "Dad I want my hair all gone like sisters". We didn't shave it that night, but he still wanted it in the morning so we decided that we would shave his too. What a special show of support from our little three year old! Our other kids all think it is quite funny to run up to her and rub her bald head and then run off again. I have to agree it is fun to touch and kiss! I think that I am a lot stronger with all of these things than I give myself credit for.