Wednesday, October 15, 2008
Does Tomorrow Have to Come?
We got a call the other night from a friend of ours. She had cancer a few years ago and regretfully I never took the chance to find out a lot about it. You hear the word cancer and it seems so scary and unknown. I think to some extent I clumped all cancers into one category and didn't think too much about the different types of cancers there are, so I didn't ask too much about it. My husband and I were both glad that she did so well with her treatments and seemed to be healthy. Like I said before I am so sorry that I never took the time to ask her much about it.... When she called she said that she had just read the blog and realized that her cancer was the same as our daughters and that she would be going through the same chemotherapy treatments. I have to admit that when my husband got off of the phone with her and told me some of the side effects our daughter would experience with the chemo drugs she would be taking I was upset and in tears. I wondered if it wouldn't have been better to just not know what we had coming. Now I have had a few days to think this over and a some documents to read (thanks to our friend) and I have decided that it is so much better to know ahead of time than to not. My reasons are: first, I have less fear about the process than before, because I am informed and don't have the fear of the unknown ahead of me. Second, I will definitely be able to be a strength for my daughter as she is experiencing her pain and discomfort. I think if I had realized what she was in for at the same time that it was happening I would have fallen apart right when she needed me the most. (It seems with all of the knew changes in our daughters health, that I am falling apart for moments and then find strength once I have gotten the tears out of my system and then I can move on to deal with it.) Third, I am so grateful to have someone close to us that I can call and ask for help in easing my daughters burden, someone that has experienced it first hand. So THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU, for your willingness to share with me your very personal experiences with going through this type of cancer and also for your knowledge of this type of cancer. I am sure that you will be a wonderful source for us to draw strength from during our little ones fight towards her cure. Now as the title of this blog says "Does tomorrow have to come?" I usually enjoy the idea of a new day coming and the possibilities that it provides. I just can't get myself to feel or find any joy in the idea of our new day tomorrow. Tomorrow we start Chemotherapy and will be inpatient for a few days at the Chilren's Hospital. It is hard to comprehend that there is anything wrong with my daughter. She seems so fine, she runs (if you call it running when they have just learned how to walk) around the house giggling and playing peek-a-boo, cuddling with her baby dolls and climbing up and down the stairs and up and down again. The thought of taking her into the hospital to make her feel so horrible just doesn't seem right. I have a knot in my stomach that just won't go away. I know that this is the only way to get rid of the cancer that plagues her insides, but like I said before it just doesn't seem right! We are so grateful for the peace and comfort we find in knowing that this process will give her a long and healthy life. My other children are enjoying a special vacation with their Grandparents and I couldn't be more happy than to know that they are receiving some special attention during this confusing time and I have had the opportunity to spend a few days alone with my baby, to enjoy her sweet little personality and prep myself for the days to come. I know that we will be able to handle this with all of the love and support we are receiving from everyone. We are so thankful for such a strong support system!